Homework Battles? Try Doing It the Grolimund-Rietzler Way

Homework. It’s the word that sends chills down every parent’s spine, right up there with “we’re out of coffee” or “your in-laws are staying another week.” But what if there was a way to make it… dare I say… enjoyable? Or, at the very least, tolerable? Enter the psychology-inspired, sanity-saving approach of Fabian Grolimund and Stefanie Rietzler, two Swiss psychologists who, unlike the rest of us, seem to have figured out the code to handling kids and homework without needing five cups of coffee and an emergency therapist on speed dial.

Their approach is about respecting your kid’s individuality, fostering intrinsic motivation (fancy talk for “getting them to actually want to do it”), and creating a partnership instead of a dictatorship. Think of it as the anti-dictator of homework. Instead of "Sit down, shut up, and do it," Grolimund - Rietzler advocate something more along the lines of, "Hey, what’s your game plan for this math problem?" You’re basically turning into your kid’s life coach rather than their boss.

The Power of Empathy (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

Here’s the first big secret: empathy. Not just the “I know how you feel” eye-roll kind, but genuine empathy, which is often the first casualty in the war over times tables and paragraph assignments. According to Grolimund and Rietzler, kids aren’t procrastinating because they’re lazy or evil little geniuses plotting your destruction—they’re often just as overwhelmed as we are, but without the skillset to handle it.

Imagine trying to get motivated to build a shed in the backyard but you’re given a pile of wood, some nails, and no hammer. Your kid staring at their homework without a clue might just be in the same boat. Instead of jumping to, “Why haven’t you started yet?” try something like, “Wow, I get it—this looks tough. Let’s figure out how to tackle it together.” Even just acknowledging that math problems or history dates can feel like a mental swamp can ease some of their resistance.

Encourage Autonomy (Or, Fake It 'Til They Buy It)

Grolimund-Rietzler's advice here is gold. It’s all about letting kids take the wheel on how they want to get their work done (within reason—you’re still not letting them do math homework in the bath). Autonomy is a magic word in their playbook, and here’s why: When kids feel they’re in control, they’re more likely to do the thing, even if that thing is homework.

Let’s say they have a writing assignment due. Instead of issuing orders like a drill sergeant (“Write your intro! Then move to the main part! And make sure you end strong!”), try this: “Hey, what’s your plan for this essay?” Maybe they’ll say they want to start with the main part. Be Cool. Just roll with it. You’ll be shocked at how this little switch—from parent-commander to partner-in-crime—opens up their willingness to work without you nagging every five minutes. The two swiss psychologists basically cracked the code to tricking your kids into thinking it’s their idea to finish their homework.

Lower the Stakes, Raise the Fun

Most of us approach homework like it’s a tax audit, which, let’s be honest, takes all the joy out of the room. But homework doesn’t have to feel like an existential crisis. Grolimund-Rietzler suggest that you de-stress the situation. You don’t have to go full clown costume, but lightening up a bit helps. Make jokes, share in the dread, maybe even let them complain a bit. Kids are human too, and sometimes venting is the best medicine.

This doesn't mean turning into the class clown. It’s more about showing them that homework doesn’t define their entire worth as a student or a person. So, if they flunk a quiz now and then, it’s not the end of the world. Emphasize effort over perfection, the journey over the destination. Grolimund’s research points out that when kids feel less pressure, they perform better. Who knew that taking a chill pill as a parent could actually make your kid smarter?

Say Goodbye to Rewards and Punishments (Sort Of)

You know how we all bribe our kids with screen time or snacks just to see them open a book? Grolimund and Rietzler say put down the cookies. Don’t panic—there’s a logic here. The idea is to nurture intrinsic motivation, so your kid learns to want to do homework for its own sake (sounds nuts, but bear with me). When we constantly use rewards and punishments, they start doing it only for those rewards, and the second they’re gone? Poof—motivation is gone too.

Instead, give genuine feedback. If your kid tackled a tough problem or spent extra time on an assignment, acknowledge that effort. Go beyond “Good job!” and get specific: “I noticed you didn’t give up on that tricky problem; that took some serious persistence.” They’re more likely to start seeing homework as something they can tackle, rather than a hoop to jump through to earn your approval or a slice of pizza.

The Magic of Routine

Consistency. The absolute bread and butter of the Grolimund - Rietzler approach. If kids know they’ll sit down to do homework at 5 p.m. every day, they’ll be less likely to resist it over time. Think of it like training a tiny, reluctant athlete: when practice becomes part of their routine, they stop questioning it as much. Grolimund-Rietzler suggest creating a predictable setup—maybe after a snack, with all materials laid out—so homework is just a natural part of the day, like brushing teeth or fighting over screen time limits.

Embrace Failure (It’s Not the End of the World)

One of Grolimund-Rietzler's key points that’ll likely appeal to every exhausted parent out there: it’s okay if they screw up. They say we need to let our kids fail. Kids are resilient, and a few bad grades won’t break them. In fact, learning to bounce back is one of the most valuable lessons there is. So if your kid bombs an assignment, don’t rush in to save the day. Let them take ownership of it, learn from it, and figure out their next steps. (And hey, isn’t that better than doing it for them for the hundredth time?)

Wrapping It Up

Fabian Grolimund’s and Stefanie Rietzler's approach is simple yet revolutionary. It’s about getting your kid to do their homework by building trust, reducing stress, and encouraging autonomy—basically, everything that feels totally opposite to what most of us were raised with. Their insights are as practical as they are refreshing: they are reminding us that kids are people, too, and treating them like little adults might just turn out to be the homework hack we didn’t know we needed. So, give empathy a shot, ditch the bribes, and watch as your sanity slowly returns.

And hey, if it doesn’t work, there’s always coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.